It Takes a Village: 10 Things I Have Learned About Parenting From the Extended family

by
Dominique DiPrima

As graduation season reaches it’s peak I find myself having conversations with many a proud parent. There is a sense of relief, of hope and of infinite possibilities as their children graduate from high school, college or even elementary grades. Being an interviewer by trade I can’t help but grill them a bit to see how they have gotten this far, beaten the odds in raising a child of color, or any child for that matter.

Many of you know that I do not believe in hitting, beating, whupping, slapping or otherwise physically punishing children. I have famously argued this point with everyone from Steve harvey, to KJLH callers to Stevie Wonder. But as I argue and opine on the topic of child rearing, I always get as good as I give. And I learn so much along the way! Of course, nothing teaches you more than having an actual child 🙂 My views now are so different from my days on The Steve harvey Morning Show when my ideas were theory alone, never tested by the incredibly resourceful testing of the little litigators we call children.

Here are ten of the most helpful insights I have learned along the way. From the radio airwaves to the hair salon…From the workouts in the park…To the check outline in the grocery store. The village is everywhere!

1. There is no one way. What works for me might not work for you. So if it’s working, maybe we don’t need to judge it! I may never hit my child, and you may make another choice. But as long as there is no abuse going on, I must respect that parents way of raising their child. (Courtesy: Guillermo Cespedes & The Front Page Family)

2. Our kids watch too much T.V! A big part of the so-called achievement gap can be traced to the fact that our children watch four times as much television as Asian children – time that could be spent studying, resting or exercising! (Black children spend an average of 40 hours a week watching T.V., Latinos 30 hours, andAsian American children spend an average of 10 hours.) We need to allow them to watch only on the weekends. (Courtesy: Erich & Yvette Nall)

3. Let’s Move: Our children need more exercise! Contrary to popular belief, children do not automatically get enough exercise from fooling around. They need sports, dance, running, and fitness programs to get and stay in shape. It reduces the rate of pregnancy among teen grils. It helps with attitudes, academics and prepares them for life on the job. (Courtesy: Anita DeFrantz & Michelle Obama)

4. Reading is a skill they have to practice every day. The young ones in our lives need to read at least a half an hour a day – every day. It really doesn’t matter what they read, hopefully something they like. But they have to do it every single day. And it’s never too early to start. This builds vocabulary, improves spelling, comprehension, and creates a habit that will help them succeed in everything else they take on in life. (Courtesy: Emma DiPrima, my Tiny Grandma)

5. We need to praise them more. I am not talking about empty praise. I am talking about noticing when they do all the things we ask them to do even more than we notice what they do wrong. Positive reinforcement is key to building self esteem. Let’s face it, we’re gonna yell at them sometimes. And between their parents, teachers and other authority figures they are going to hear criticism all day long. Let’s find some balance by giving them citations on the positive side. (Courtesy: Barbara Polland, Phd.)

6. We have to teach them respect. “Yes Ma’m” and “No Sir” may seem old-fashioned but they are important. We have to teach what Jawanza Kunjufu calls “a culture of respect.” That means we have to walk the walk ourselves and model politeness, respect for elders, and human kindness. This is the foundation for good character. (Courtesy: Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu & Coach “E”)

7. We must instill knowledge of history & cultural pride We stand on the solders of our ancestors, and it makes us all stronger to honor them. Our children thrive when we give them the benefit of historical and cultural knowledge and pride. We have to supplement what they are getting on T.V. and in mainstream society. If we don’t do it, it won’t get done. They grow stronger when they are connected to their African roots, traditions of struggle and place in the global family. (Courtesy: Dr. Maulana Karenga & Dr. Kwaku Person-Lynn)

8. We need to empower them by teaching them to be change agents Whether it’s marching. petitioning, or cleaning up the neighborhood, we have to consciously teach citizenship, activism, and service. We like to say our children are our future…So we better teach them how to make the world a better place! (Courtesy: Amiri & Amina Baraka & Diane diPrima – my parents)

9. We have the responsibility to foster their personal relationship with God! Let’s teach our children to pray, not just in church but in life. The Yoruba say that the ultimate goal is to live our entire lives as a prayer! And while many of us may not be there yet, we can encourage our little ones to lean on, turn to, and trust in, the most high. Let’s give them the infinite resource and impenetrable protection of God almighty in their lives today and always. (Courtesy: Anabi Osun Ibae)

10. We must feed them decent food & plenty of water Anything less is just not fair! How do we expect our children to compete when they do not have the same nutritional advantages of other children? The brain cannot function at the highest level without proper nutrients and water! It is simply not possible. SUre our kids can survive on fast food and sugar – but just barely! Imagine what they could do if we would give them fresh fruits & vegetables and keep them hydrated! Not Kool-Aid, not juice – water!!!!!! And real food, especially for breakfast. CoCo Puffs is not food! It’s entertainment! If we are what we eat, let’s not force our children to be highly processed, high in sodium, sugar, refined and full of chemicals! Let’s allow them to be fresh, vibrant and full of life by feeding them foods with those qualities! (Courtesy: Dr. Rabb, Thabiti Umoja, Chef Keidi,Ronnie Ruiz, Dr. Eve, Doctah, B Sirius, Coach “E,” Dr. Paul Gauss, and Dick Gregory)

I am so grateful to all of you, my village, for all you have and will continue to teach me! Let’s keep building together so we can give our children more than we ever dreamed of…After all, we expect them to save the world!