Martin & McDade Mothering in Times of Madness

…An Ode to the Living on Mothers Day!
by dominique DiPrima

Most of us caught the heart-wrenching television spot by Sybrina Fulton this Mother’s Day, This year, calling for the re-examination of Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law used to justify her son’s killing, and similar laws across the country. Sybrina is the mother of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin who was gunned down in Florida in February by a self-proclaimed neighborhood watch man. She has endured every parent’s nightmare, in the glare of the national spotlight with incredible grace and dignity. Her plea, as she faced Mother’s Day for the first time without her son, surely sent a chill through the spine of anyone with a child…and a pulse.

This year on the eve of Mother’s Day we were also treated to the news (via autopsy) that 19-year-old Kendrec McDade of Pasadena was shot seven times by officers at the scene. McDade is the Citrus College student who was killed by police after a 9-1-1 caller lied to police saying he was the victim of an armed robbery (caller Oscar Carillo was later arrested for involuntary manslaughter) And although the Pasadena Police press release stated that young Kendrec was not shot in the back, the coroner’s report shows that three of the bullets – to the arm and shoulder had a trajectory from back to front (in other words they came from the back!)

As I celebrate this day, I pray for the moms of Trayvon and Kendrec and the many other mothers whose stories will never make the headlines, but whose pain is no less! And I pray that we will not let up in our quest for justice…And that we push back on the “Stand Your Ground” laws and go even further to look at real, meaningful gun control.

And most of all I pray we will remember the Trayvons and Kendrecs who are still among us! And I don’t mean that in an abstract, or ethereal way. I mean do something concrete – no matter how small. Read one book to one kid. Donate something to a youth program (a bit of money, a few books, a computer or sports equipment.) Throw a kids community day at your local park. Speak to the trying-to-look-tough-teenagers on your block until they finally speak back. Offer praise, love, correction & support…a sandwich…A few bucks.

I had been trying to avoid the topic of Trayvon Martin with my seven-year-old. I took him to a rally for Mitrice Richardson (the young woman who went missing after being released in the middle of the night by the Sheriff’s Dept. with no purse, cell phone or car…And whose remains were later found in a remote canyon) some time ago, and it hit him very hard. He kept telling me “That man promised that he would never let this happen to anyone else’s daughter again.” And he was very sad for a long time. I don’t let him watch the evening news. It features too much violence and despair. (Heck, most grown-ups don’t need to watch that every day!) I really feel that as Moms (and Dads too) we need to protect our children from too much doom and gloom until they are old enough to process it (PG-13?) I am not sure exactly when that is…Maybe teenage years?

But my son overheard me recording a voice-over for 102.3 KJLH radio and asked, “Mom, who is Trayvon Martin?” I told him he was a teenager from Florida, thinking to change the subject. “Mom is he dead?” was the next question he asked point blank. “Yes, honey.” I said. “I figured it out Mom. Because grown-ups only make a big deal out of kids when they are dead.” That stopped me in my tracks. “You have a point honey” I replied. “But there are lots of young people doing lots of amazing things and there are people who celebrate them. And we will make a big deal out of them on my radio show from now on!”

My son and I haven’t yet talked about Kendrec McDade. And I hope we don’t have to. Although I will certainly keep my commitment to tell these stories…Of Martin, McDade…Of Devin Brown…Suzie Pena on the radio…And in these blogs.

But I will keep my promise to my son, too. And I hope you will join me. If you notice more and more young people doing great things on my radio show, in my writing and in anything I do, you will understand.

I am an optimist. Some say I wear rose-colored glasses. And what gives me that hope, that joy and belief in our future is the young people I see every day doing incredible work, achieving amazing things, surpassing the generation before! These young folks may not be hanging out where you would bump into them, because they are on a mission. But they are among us. So let’s celebrate them! Let’s support them! Let’s help them go even higher!
Let’s protect our little ones from the harshness and violence as much as we can. And celebrate the many who are beating the odds and pursuing excellence!

That is my secret for mothering in times of madness…And I hope now it is your secret, too.